If I say that 2017 has been a whirlwind of emotions, that would be an understatement. I feel like I always write a year-end entry talking about how bla bla bla. 2017 has been a breath of fresh air for me, especially the latter part of the year. Earlier this year, I tried to ‘travel-solo’ but not really cause I went to Baler, and the kids were with me, looking out for me. Now that I’m thinking about it, my midyear literally just flew by.
The latter part of this year, I got out of an almost four year relationship, forced myself into solo travel and fell in love too quickly with someone else. I also went to more parties than I have in the last 5 years, had one too many guys in my life, and I’ve also had more beers than I have in the last 4 years-ish. I also tried things I’ve been meaning to try but always had an excuse not to. I renewed my passport, stayed at a hostel, met a lot of wonderful people, managed my anxiety better, talked to cute boys and went out on dates.
I’ll admit, I lost a lot of people in my life because of the breakup and because of my choices, but I think it speaks volumes and it’s okay. People that we lose aren’t meant to stay. In return, I’ve met tons of wonderful and kind people, people who see past whatever my choices were and still accept me regardless. I have learned a lot about myself as the year was nearing its end. I have also come in to terms with my feelings and anxiety. I am slowly learning to not compartmentalize what I feel about things, sometimes, things are just are. I am also learning how to slow myself down when I’m over thinking and over analyzing a situation. (Key words: Trying and slowly.)
This year is a year for growth and getting to know myself more. It isn’t as bad as I was expecting. I mean, when I became single, I fell in love right away to another boy, which is a little bit out of character. Well, everything happening to me because of my choices are out of character, but I guess that’s how you grow. Anyway, the boy who I fell in love with ended up breaking my heart, I can’t blame him, he has his life ahead of him, and he cannot afford an ‘excess baggage’. My anxiety worsened and I relied on beer to put me to sleep. I went to La Union to try things differently. There I met a lot of wonderful souls who’ve helped me understand what’s going on and has guided me on how to manage whatever is happening in my head. I met another guy, who’s worth mentioning as he’s been making me genuinely laugh the past few weeks. I will be honest, I do not see a future with him as our arrangement is quite interesting – to say the least. But, it doesn’t scare me, for now, I’m making the most out of the time we’re together.
I’ve met and became friends with beautiful souls who are beyond lovely, who listens to my stories no matter how senseless they are, tries to give me brotherly and sisterly opinions, who encouraged me to go after what I want, be more sociable and things like that. I am forever grateful to these people, my friends from the hostel, who always puts me in the bawang committee, who makes me laugh and lets me be myself.
I feel like this entry is all over the place. There’s so much to say, it’s just that I’m at a loss for words right now. 2017 has been insane and messy yet beautiful at the same time. It’s a year of self learning and growing, filtering out what people has to say, hearing the words of encouragement as they’re coming from a place of love.
For the first time in a really long time, I am excited for the coming new year. I’m looking forward to you, 2018.
Mari Adriano 